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Up in the Air…

So I just got off the phone with my Oncologist, I have been trying to reach him all stinkin week. What we needed to talk about was hysterectomy or no hysterectomy. So depending on if this tumor is benign, or borderline/malignant it is all or nothing. I hate going into surgery this way…hate it!! If the tumor is benign and they can save my ovary there is no other option than to remove the tumor and leave all of my parts. If he did a hysterectomy after discovering it is benign and is able to save my ovary it would be considered malpractice and no surgeon would do that. I just want this to be done, we are tired of suffering through this. So, if it is benign and they can’t save my ovary (tumor has taken over the ovary), or  is borderline or malignant then he will do the hysterectomy. God is in control and I hope He is hearing me when I say I just want this to be OVER. My oncologist did say that he understands that Gary and I aren’t interested in technology based fertilization and that he and his wife are the same way, so at least he gets it, that helps. We are just praying that God will fulfill His will, and that I will have as much peace as possible before my surgery. It is hard to have peace when it’s all or nothing.

Psalm 46:10

10 “Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”


Surgery and decisions

Dear friends and family,

I know this is all a little personal, but I think I have lost most if not all of my filter after going through this. Gary and I have had a rough decision to make this last week, which is whether or not to have a complete hysterectomy. This is not an easy decision. We have decided to go a ahead with the complete hysterectomy for the following reasons. First, my health is most important. The oncologist we saw initially said that the one way we could make sure my tumors didn’t come back was to have a hysterectomy. Second, we are not interested in doing technologically based fertilization. For some this is an option they want, but after prayer and conversation, Gary and I have decided that is not what the Lord has for us. We want peace and we want to move on from this. After this, we can look forward to adoption. There are so many babies without mammas and I would LOVE to be their mamma.

To give a little background info on all of this…Last August Gary and I found out through a visit to my gynecologist that I had a large mass on my right ovary, it was about the size of a grapefruit. Yep that is HUGE. It had been growing since the previous February (they guesstimate). We had surgery, in which I had my right ovary, tube, omentum, and 3 liters of fluid removed. We found out that the tumor was considered a serous borderline tumor. This means this it is a round tumor that is not benign but also not malignant, is was in the middle somewhere. They recommended no treatment, so that we would have the chance to save my fertility and conceive. We also didn’t even know if we could conceive because all of the fluid that was created from the tumor had irritated my left tube and it didn’t appear that an egg could pass through the tube. All this to say that since last August I continued to see my gynecologist for regular check ups and blood work. This last check up, at the end of May we found another tumor this time on my left ovary.

Needless to say, Gary and I are ready to move on and are hopeful that it will be either the same type of tumor as last time or benign. We don’t want to have to do chemo or radiation which is dependent on what they find during surgery.

Ready for some happy news??! So am I! We got a new puppy! Her name is Lola and she is a hound. She and Ivory get a long amazingly! Ivory is so happy to have a playmate and Lola is happy to have a friend. I will definitely add a picture when I figure out how to. In the mean time please pray for my surgery, it will be Tuesday (6/12) at Swedish Hospital at 10:30 am. I am expected to be in surgery for about an hour possibly two. Thank you everyone for your support. ❤

Big hug, little kiss, big kiss, little kiss, big hug (anyone??)haha



Romans 8:15

English Standard Version (ESV)

15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”

Here we go again

Hello friends and family,

Gary and I decided to start this blog for a few different reasons. One of those is because we found out that I need to have surgery again. This will be an easy way to update everyone, and for people to just check in without having to worry about emails. Please though if you want to send me a personal email send it to caitlynerussell(at)gmail(dot)com. Another reason is so that we can write about what is going on and think through this difficult time. This site is mainly for me, Gary is working on his masters so he is writing a lot as is. We also found out that this surgery is going to take my other ovary which means that since the other one was removed last time, I will be losing my fertility. This is going to be tough and we need all of the encouragement we can get. I will post more when I know more.